An Engagement to an Idea
I had originally written this scene for Simar Malhotra’s film “Khaali Khyaal” but we decided to keep it as a standalone one act piece and I hope to stage it one day. The film centers around two college friends Ayaan and Priyamvada. Ayaan is interested in Priyamvada but just found out that she got engaged over summer vacation. What commences is the conversation below!
Thank you, Simar, for the inspiration!
An Engagement to an Idea.
June 18th version is the longer version.
Arjun: You’re getting married. I didn’t even know you were seeing someone.
Pallavi: It’s arranged. Not like arranged arranged, but you know, date for a bit, and get married.
Arjun: What’s his name?
Pallavi: It doesn’t matter.
Arjun: It doesn’t matter?
Pallavi: Ok, Prataap Ogley.
Arjun: Prataap Ogley? Prataap Ogley sounds like someone who is going to borrow money from you and not give it back.
Pallavi: Arjun!
Arjun: Dude. Not going to lie, I think he wants it.
Pallavi: That’s not why he’s marrying me.
Arjun: He wants it.
Pallavi: That’s a terrible thing to say, Arjun.
Arjun looks at Pallavi with eyebrows raised.
Pallavi: He’s NOT marrying me for a greencard.
Arjun: Look. My dad always tells me, that even if I can’t find a girl, I can always have a greencard wedding. That’s why he and my mom wanted to have me here and not India.
Pallavi: that’s ridiculous.
Arjun: What does Prataap look like?
Pallavi: Kind of like a modak.
Arjun: Do you like him?
Pallavi: I mean, he’s pretty nice.
Arjun: Pallavi….
Pallavi: These days, I’ve been feeling like other things matter more than feelings.
Arjun: Oh my god.
Pallavi: I’m pretty sure in Dil Waaley Dulania Ley Jayengey, after Simran’s dad agrees to let Simran marry this rando guitar player she met in Europe, he also sends her the name of a divorce lawyer just in case things don’t work out. At the beginning, it’s chill. And then Simran realizes Rahul is really really annoying and just spends all day feeding pigeons. Feelings change.
Arjun: Yeah, from a crush into love.
Pallavi: And then out of love, don’t forget out of love.
Arjun: Feelings matter.
Pallavi: What changes doesn’t matter.
Arjun: No, what matters doesn’t change.
They laugh.
Pallavi: That’s literally what I just said. Look, I’m changing and he’s changing, maybe I’ll want five kids and he’ll wants seven.
Arjun: Hold up, between the two of you the minimum number of kids you’ll have is five?
Pallavi: Okay, that’s a bad example. But, marriages are built on family and culture. Feelings change all the time. And it’ll make my parents happy - I mean, you aren’t getting pressure from the fam?
Arjun: I mean I am, but I don’t care. There is a point of time where every South Asian boy goes from being loved, to being unmarried. And the switch happens instantaneously. For me, it was the weekend my grandparents were visiting from India and I went to Trader Joe’s to get juice. I think my grandpa saw me drive for the first time and so when I got back, my grandpa looked at me and said: “it’s time to get Arjun married.”
Pallavi laughs.
Arjun: It was as simple as that. The worst part was that Trader Joe’s was out of my favorite juice.
A girl walks by and says hi to Arjun. He puts his hand through his hair.
Pallavi: The other upside of being engaged is I don’t have to spend 30 minutes every day making my hair because I feel like I’m going to bump into Snow White at Coupa Cafe.
Arjun: She doesn’t have to be white.
They laugh.
Arjun: Ok, but what about dating apps, what about a night filled with passion?
Pallavi: Arranged marriages are kind of like Tinder.
Arjun: Except your mom is swiping for you.
Pallavi: Wait - what’s wrong with my mom swiping for me?
Arjun: And group conversations are you, them, your mom, their mom, your uncle, their uncle,
Pallavi: …your pundit, their pundit. Their backup pundit. Ok, agreed. But besides that it is kind of the same. The only difference is that I use categories like religion to filter. And you just tinder search for people 25 miles around Stanford.
Arjun: Those are two very different things, I’m not close minded about that stuff.
Pallavi: And yet seeing your dating history I would bet you are going to end up with a rich educated white girl from Stanford. Feels a lot like a caste to me.
Arjun: I don’t filter on anything.
Pallavi: You don’t, but the algorithm does. And it’s probably learning to suggest matches that you’ll like enough to swipe, but not enough to stay with. You are ok being married by an algorithm?
Arjun: You’re ok being married by your mom?
Pallavi: Yes. I know my mom. And look, arranged marriages are about finding someone you think you could marry, dating them for a bit, and calling it a day.
Arjun: Calling it a day? Dude, I want to feel alive - like how it is right now, so light, so fun. How do you know there’s not going to be someone who you will fall in love with - don’t you want life to be a surprise?
Pallavi: He memorized that Gully Boy rap to propose to me at a family dinner. That was a surprise.
Arjun: Whoa! My boy Ogley raps?
Pallavi: It was highly uncoordinated, but look, he is a good man and I’m looking forward to loving him soon. I’m not just marrying Prataap okay? I’m marrying his way of life. You’re flipping a million sided coin, where each face of the coin is a new girl that you are meeting for the first time and think that you might fall in love with. She is one side, she’s another, she’s another… and every one needs a few months of dating to truly know.
Arjun: And you’re flipping a 10 sided coin but every face has been chosen based off of their family values, education, religion, finance, and horoscope, who you have no idea will make you happy. Why are you so… why do you think so -
Pallavi: We both want the same thing. We’re just optimizing it differently. All of my variables are proxies for a good marriage. All of your variables lead to a nice night.
Arjun: My heart is my only variable. That’s why I bought you the coffee.
Pallavi: Arjun… We’ve been through this….
Arjun: Only someone whose heart is saying otherwise spends this much time on a Saturday afternoon trying to convince a guy that she doesn’t need to listen to her heart. Look, I don’t think you are into this Pratap guy.
Pallavi: I’m engaged, Arjun.
Arjun: No you are not, you’re engaged to an idea.
Pallavi: That’s all arranged marriage is, it’s not what it used to be. It’s two good people who get married to an idea, who get married to commitment… and eventually fall in love.
Arjun: And then get dumped for the greencard!
Pallavi: Arjun.
Arjun: My version sounds more fun.
Phone buzzes.
Pallavi: Ashi’s calling us, we’re late. Oh and Renee will be there.
Arjun: Oh really?
Pallavi: Oh really what? Already over buying me coffee?
Arjun: Laughs/both get up Let’s go.
